Being a Grown-Up

Being an adult or being a grown-up always seems to follow under the common sense. When one is asked, the answer is always given under a tone of evidence.

This implies that there are no specific directives for behaving as a grown-up. It is taught by implications, insinuations, general lines drawn into tales, mythic stories or archetypes.

Let us examine the tale of the Roman of Renart, from the Middle-Age. The different fables always follow the same pattern : Renart, the fox, lures the other animals with bright prospects on an easy gain, or obtaining fortunes they have been dreaming of. The victims open wide eyes, and Renart reaps what he wants from them. The animals are then cheated, because of their greediness and naivety.

A conclusion comes into the mind of listeners: if you want to be a grown-up as Renart is, exploit the greediness of people, tell them lies, and you'll get what you want.

Such a behavior is taught in Cameroon, in the Forest, with the tales that concerns the Tortoise. That animal can tell lies to be the sliest and get whatever he wants. And this is indeed what adults try to be, since the Tortoise is their hero.

In Japan, being a grown-up is – or was – quite different. A friend of mine was explaining me, with the tone of evidence:

which is quite different from some cultures where being a man ( a male ) is showing off all the bad words they know, swearing, and using a harsh and strong voice.

A number of African tales show the story of a man who starts from nothing, rejected from everyone. After a number of adventures, he ends up with the acknowledgement of society, having multiplied contacts with quite a lot of persons, and being a reference for his pairs. He is now part of the net of society, and even one of the strongest knots of that net.

The Western Society sometimes talks of the frame of Society: it is a frame where people evolve, and are free to be prosperous and recognized by the others the way they want, provided they do not disturb the laws and the rules, which constitute that very frame.

All Westerners, in workshops which concerned The Hidden Contract, answered that being a grown-up was being independent, self-reliant, and deciding for themselves. Indians would say that Mother knows best, and Indonesians would refer to the behavior they have been taught – without at any moment thinking of questioning themselves about the validity of that behavior.

Originally, the laws and the rules were kept by the Ancient, in an oral Tradition. Which implies that when there was a problem, or a conflict, Elders gathered and recalled what the Late Wise Men would have done in such a case.

As no one could contest it, the Elders could edict a rule according to the context or the politics of the moment. Rules, therefore, were enacted according to the present state of the Society.

As Elders are the strongest in the Community, people talk about the Pyramid of Society, with Elders being present in everyone's mind. And the more Elders are known, the heaviest weight they have.

An African person is soaked in such a definition. The most important for them is to be recognized by Society, and to belong to a clan, a family or a community. Coming into a new place, the first thing they do is to seek for a family, and someone for a distant village or clan will immediately be called brother, sister, aunt or uncle, and a small local pyramid will be built as a reference for everyone.

In France, it is quite frequent to see someone having spent six or seven years with no legal documents in the country, having lived with a family of some kind, quite satisfied of the situation. A conflict with the family might occur, and the person is kicked out of the community: it is only then that they turn to social services, and discover they should have legalized their situation long ago.

For most Africans, being a grown-up is therefore belonging to the Social Pyramid, and being part of strong links between people.

An old person is considered, since it is obvious that they must have been linked to many people, through their experience. Being young is not so well considered, a young man is just a child: they are known under the name of their father, no more. And the aim in life is to gain importance in the eyes of the others, climbing the Pyramid of Society.

At that moment, a conflict can occur with Westerners : a Westerner wants to be independent, and to be self-reliant. Which does not talk much to Africans, since they want to be dependant from other people, and that other people be dependant from them.

Self-reliance can be proposed to communities, or to new settlements. But it must be clearly defined, for everyone, the final aim of it. Self-reliance can be offered to small communities, which build themselves on a pyramidal pattern, or to the all camp, or even to a small nuclear family. But in no case the concept must be accepted as evident, since different cultures do not agree on the term.